Friends

Well,
lately i have been thinking.
I think it took at least a month
just to hang out with Jessica
because of the trip i had to DISNEY,
then she was all "my boyfriend is leaving
for new york. and i want to say goodbye",
then,
"i have things to do with my family today".
which that one i think she just didn't tell
me or just didn't want to hang out. >_>
And when we finally get to hang out,
she brings Faye. I have nothing
against Faye, but when Jessica and Faye are
together, I feel like the 3rd wheel.
Which is a feeling i don't like. T__T
So with bringing Faye,
that made me think that Jessica was thinking,
"well i might be bored with only Jessy,
so i will bring someone else too."

Then I was thinking about what she told me
over the phone,
the last time we talked. She was saying something
like,
"Well I wasn't suppose to tell you this, but
now that you guys aren't going out, it doesn't
really matter....Christine told me that she was
shocked that Ted was going out with you...and that
she liked him, but now that he was going out
with you, she wasn't interested".
First,
I asked Christine what she liked about him before
I asked him out because I had a feeling that she
liked him more than a friend. And she told me that
he is too short, not the right clothes style,
always talks about himself, and never listens. And
that she likes guys that are taller than her, and wear
things like abercrombie/fitch/etc... [At
the time this made me think, "ok. she doesn't like
him."] But now that i think about it, it makes me
realize the she lied and tried to play that game of
"if i make him look bad, she won't be interested
anymore game". Honestly....lying doesn't work. People
should be honest with what they want. If she would
have just told the truth, I wouldn't have asked him
out. But what really ticked me off was that,
Jessica was talking about me behind my back, and can't
keep a secret. This is what Jessica didn't think of
when she told me this whole Christine thing. (Christine
is the girl that lied by the way.)

And another thing,
during badminton season, all 4 of them [Jessica, Faye,
Christine, and name-who's-not-really-important-in-this-story]
all were practicing with each other. I tried to try
to practice with most of them so it would be practice
for me and them at the same time.
But with Christine having an issue with me, Jessica
talking with Christine therefore making me look
bad, Faye(whos personality is not the leader) and Jessica
together, plus the 4th person always wanting to practice
with only her partner (who used to be mine >_>); as
you can see, there is no room for me.

And with all this,
I realize that Jessica/Faye/Christine/4th were
not really wanting to be my friend. It hurts the most
especially from Jessica. We had some very personal
conversations, and i still feel like she can't
relate to me very well. What the hell?
With things like talking about me behind my back,
not sure if she can keeps anyone's [including mine]
secrets, and not really wanting to hang out,
it really makes me think she really isn't my friend
after all. <_<

There is nothing i can do about this really.
Actually, about 2 or 3 weeks ago I told myself
that i wasn't going to try to hang out with
Jessica until she asks me. (This was after she
left me a message saying "actually i can never hang
out on weekends, i can only hang out on weekdays.".)
I haven't said since. And since then,
she hasn't send me other messages. I put her up
to the test to see if she really wanted to be
with me, and she passed the test.
She proved to me that,
after all she didn't want to try to be my
friend. This really hurts me. -_-
Well, now I'll just send her a message saying hi,
to see what she says back.
But there are no guarantees anymore.

But after all of this thinking and realizing,
I am ready for college.
I hope Christine can be honest with herself
and those around her.
And hopefully Jessica and Faye will be
leaders and not followers.
There is 2 weeks left of summer,
and i can't wait. Maybe I will
find someone better. ^^